"...for they shall rest from all their labors here, and shall continue their works."

Baloo Dabling Dec. 21st, 2008

(My puppy, Baloo. He never did grow up!)

Death is so final. And on this earth when someone dies, that's it.  Most of us are blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel, to know that there is so much more to come after this life. Something glorious and beyond description. But for the time being here on this earth, it is final. And "the time being" can be so long! My heart is aching. Full of anger and pain. Sadness and sorrow. I don't even know how to describe it. It simply is what it is. 

My dog Baloo (of 11 years) died December 21st, 2008. It hurts. I sometimes, will find bones that have been burried underneath shoes, in my closet or behind blankets in the family room. Just hearing his name sets me back. Some people find it silly.. he was just a dog. Not a person. But to me, he was. He was my friend, and my "loyal companion." My alarm clock when I was late for work. My shoulder to cry on when I was hurting. And he always seemed to know when that was. My dog was a miracle and a blessing in my life. Heavenly Father knew that Baloo was exactly what I needed in times of heartache. He placed him in my life to have those moments of joy that he so often gave to me. Like running into the glass door. Or sliding down the stairs, or biffing it out of no where!  Jumping up and down with excitement to see me. He was difficult and trouble at times. And as Jeannie would call him, "The Great Houdini!" Yes, Baloo was an escapologist! Ha ha! Sorry again, Jeannie! The moments where he would run out the door when I had a guy over, and we would have to go find him, giving me the opportunity to spend time with a cute guy. (Yeah, it happened a few times.) Baloo brought laughter into my life and of many others. I'm grateful for his life. For the friend he was. For giving more to MY life and making it better. I loved him and miss him with all of my heart. My heart is empty at times still. But, I know he's living a better life. Free from the pain that I saw him experiencing in the last couple days of his life.

         Peter Jensen Lutz Nov. 11th, 2007

Life is sometimes more than difficult. I learn that everyday. I learn that people experience things differently and sometimes/a lot of times more difficult than I ever could. My ex-boyfriend's, little brother Peter, was struggling for a long time. After his long battle with depression, he took his life on November 11th, 2007. A life changing experience for not only his family, but for me as well. I went through a lot with them. But, not for one second would I EVER take those moments back. Life is rough. But God has a plan for us. He throws us trials to teach us lessons. And if we don't learn from them the first time, He'll throw it at us again, and again and again... until we understand just what it is that He wants us to understand. I've personally learned that first hand in my life. And when I realize that it's come full circle, I usually feel discouraged, thinking, "I thought I learned what it was that I needed to learn!" or "Oh crap!! I assumed that since I pushed it away, it wouldn't come back!" But, why would Heavenly Father give it to us, just to have us push it away? He doesn't. He gives it to us to learn what is needed, sometimes in order to get through something that will happen later in your life that might be similar to the experience that was so difficult for you before. He is giving us the tools to work with for later on. A close friend of mine once wrote me,  "... the fact that I KNOW there is nothing I can do to win, and still make it out ok, proves the Lord's hand in everything." I don't know about you guys, but I am thankful for the tools that He has given me. As difficult as it may be... I am grateful.

           Sharilee Anne Warner Nov. 11th, 2008

My aunt Shari passed away November 11th, 2008 after fighting pancreatic cancer for more than a year and a half. It was the 1 year anniversary of Peter's death. I found it ironic. My heart sank in despair, already struggling with the anniversary of Peter's death. How could this be placed on the same day? I fell apart. Not knowing how to get through it. I luckily had therapy, literally, right when I found out. I asked my mom to join me in the session as we talked about the life of Shari and Peter. Part of what was discussed, was how God has a hand in everyone's life and how it's presented. I didn't understand at first. I was lost. But as stated before, they are learning tools, to help us get through the trials in our lives. I'm reminded of a couple scriptures that I heard in church today, D&C 121:7-- And it says, "My son, (except I switch it for daughter in my case) peace be unto thy soul; thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." And then, D&C 84:88 which reads, "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit, shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." How powerful are those scriptures? When I heard those today, my heart was full. And the fact that I was able to apply those scriptures in my life, was a blessing beyond belief. That when I need the Lord the most, He reaches out and offers His hand. My affliction will be but a small moment. And His Spirit will be in my heart, and His angels will circle me and BEAR ME UP! Oh, the peace I feel when I read and ponder this! My heart is so heavy at times, and to have the angels bear that up for me, even if just for a little while, is so much more than I could ever ask for. I love the Lord and His gospel. The blessings that I have in my life are innumerable. 

Even though death in this life is final. It is not for eternity. Our loved ones that have passed on are now in places that are beautiful and marvelous, in which we can only hope to understand.... but the truth is, we probably never will until the time comes when the Lord calls upon us to enter into the kingdom of heaven. So, until that day, those sweet and tender mercies of the Lord can help us get through. If we allow them to come and if we acknowledge them in our lives. My bishop always says, "Prayer is the key to the day, and the lock at night." So, get down on your knees and pray.

American Idol Starts Tuesday, January 13th @ 7:00pm!!!

American Idol starts airing on Tuesday, January 13th, 2009 at 7:00pm!!!!! I am so excited! From what I understand, they will be airing the Salt Lake Auditions that day.  So, keep an eye out for me and Leah!!! If you need to... look again at the pics we took so you know what to look for! haha! I'm so excited it's finally starting again! PEACE!

Turning coal into *diamonds*

Have you ever felt like you've completely and totally messed your life up? Like, to the point where everything you do is almost not worth doing anymore, because you feel like no matter what's to come you feel like you'll screw that up too? I more often than not, feel alone in these feelings. I mean, I'll look at everyone else and realize they're doing most of it right cause they're at least smiling, and/or having a good time, (or seemingly so.) And now, you're having a conversation with someone that you know and love, and think, "how can you not SEE that I've ruined my life up until this very moment that we speak?" Or have they, and are just hiding it?  Afraid to say something that will upset you, or maybe they don't even have the words to say anything at all. I KNOW there are things in my life that I should be doing and yet, I can't seem to accomplish them. My motivation is unbelievable! I have the motivation to do about anything, but not the will power. Will power is a strong, strong trait. And I have like.. none of it. I admire so much the people that use it. Like my mom. She is a big inspiration to me. She can find something that she wants to do and then actually do it without fail!  And, it's hard for her at times, but she can get through it like a champ! I sometimes wish I could switch lives with people for a couple of days. Just to know... how they think, how they feel, what kind of exciting things they have going on in there lives, the struggles. The people they love and care about, the accomplishments they've made and then, compare it with mine. Maybe THEN I'll become stronger. To know what it's like to be someone else. Would I be more grateful? Ungrateful? Mean? Kind? Funny? Soooo NOT funny? Understanding? Not understanding? There are a million differents ways to look at your life when you compare it to others. But even if I could really change lives for a day, would I? Would you? Take away the things that are important to you, like my niece and nephews. My family. My pet? All in exchange for HOPEFULLY something better. But, what if it isn't? Strange people, hard job, dealing with drugs, homeless maybe? All of these thoughts seem so easy at first, "I want to be ANYWHERE but here!!!" So many people say those words. What if God really granted you that wish? Would you rather be somewhere, anywhere but where you are? In reality, I have been there. But thinking now, and with a clear head and actual, REAL thinking and observing, I could NEVER say that I would. Yeah, life is difficult and sometimes you may wish you were somewhere else, anywere else... someone else! But, just stop to think about it. RIGHT NOW. How do you see your life now? Good right? Great? Wonderful? Amazing even? I'm counting my blessings and praying with all of my heart that, I will NEVER get to that place again of wishing for someone elses' life. I am grateful. I have a WONDERFUL family that loves and cares about me and vice-versa. I have a job that I may not LOVE, but I AM employed and with the economy how it is... well, enough said about that. I have so many things that I can list off, but I've rambled enough as it is. I just wanted to express the gratitude for the life I have. And as sucky as it may be at times. I have it good. No... AMAZING!!

J-E-L-L-O!

Well, Erica and I were watching The Office one night and I thought, "we should definitley do that!" as we watched Dwight open his desk drawer only to find his stapler in Jello! Ha! So, Erica said, "We should do it to Mike!" It didn't take much convincing. It was on! We did this the same day as Cephas's big b-day in case you were wondering. :) Here are the pics that describe this fantastic and great event...





That was really yellow jello!

Scooter's coveted Yankees ring!

The process begins!

Making the jello


And so we did it!

Half way there!

Sitting in the fridge.. we documented everything!

We went to the orem owlz game as we waited!

Showing off our "project"

The outcome

The note

We made him eat it out!

Cute Scooter!

BAHAHAHAHA!






Scooter's reaction!!
I couldn't figure out how to rotate the dang video! ...sorry. :(

Happy Birthday Cephas!!

It was Cephas's birthday and so we decided to celebrate. Here are a few pics from his PARTY!!!!










Love ya Cephas!!!

AUDITION DAY for American Idol!!

So American Idol auditions came and went and as you all probably know... I was REJECTED! Ha ha! No big surprise there. But what was a surprise, was what the producers were and (most importantly) were NOT letting through.  As I sat and waited for hours watching each audition, I was surprised to see that what I "thought" they were looking for, such as good-looking, skinny or muscular, and obviously amazing voices, but that wasn't exactly what was getting through.  Don't get me wrong, there were some that were all of those things! But as time pressed forward I was able to stand by and REALLY get a feel for what they were turning down.  There was some AMAZING talent in that arena that was passed up turn by turn. More so than what I saw get through.  I was baffled.  What were they looking for?  My audition came and surprising enough I wasn't too nervous. I didn't get to perform in front of Simon, Randy and Paula. In fact, I had to audition for the producers of the show. If you made it through THEN you would get to audition for Randy, Simon and Paula. My turn finally came and well, I did pretty freaking awesome (if I do say so myself) and yet, I was not what they were looking for.  I was however, told to pursue some voice lessons and come back again when I was a little better.  But, whatever, they probably said that to a lot of people.  No worries. All in all though, it was FUN!! And most importantly, I made myself do it!! It's been something that I have wanted to do since the beginning of American Idol. So, one accomplishment down.... and like a million more to go!  :)






Leah and I at 4:00 AM!!! I actually only got 1 1/2 hrs. of sleep!!!!!!! Don't ask!


Sienna made me a FABULOUS poster! Thanks CC!!

Ok, so these guys were waiting by us, and some-what close to each other in line and the guy in black pulled out his guitar and started playing then the guy in white came over and joined him with his guitar. He also has a harmonica if you can tell... anyway they made some incredible music together. If only they had a demo or something, I would've bought it right then and there!!




We kinda got obsessed with Mr. Hottie Pants in the background when we were waiting in line, so Leah just had to take a picture. Ha! Ha! So great! Oh, and I wanna say this was at like 5 AM.



The guy on the floor of the arena was helping us put together the two songs that we sang for the recording of the A.I. taping: "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" and "Get Ready."


A BIG thanks to Leah for taking this flattering pic of me while singing our songs! lol.



Leah and I waiting during auditions.


I tried to snap a picture of the constantly moving American Idol logo on the jumbo-tron.


START OF AUDITIONS!!



Do you see what we had to perform in front of?!!!!



Just in case you were wondering... YES, SHE DOES HAVE A FREAKING PUPPET ON HER HAND!!! She was crazy and YES, SHE DID GET A GOLDEN TICKET as you can see!!! What is this?!!!




May I have your attention please! Your Host..... RYAN SEACREST EVERYBODY!!!
I just want everyone to know that he is a REALLY nice guy! He was really fun to record with and he was even getting in trouble cause he was stopping to hug and take pics with everyone when he was supposed to be working! I love you Ryan!!

American Idol Registration!

So today was American Idol Registration, and it was so much fun! Leah and I left at 5:15am and arrived at 6:00am at The Energy Solutions Arena. When we got there we were greeted with an amazing sunrise and an overwhelming amount of people. We gathered a blanket, some snacks, water bottles and my ping-pong set from the trunk of my car, found the end of the line and made the best of it. We popped a squat under the marquee and made a couple of short videos. We cranked out ping-pong and started playing. The camera crew came around while we were playing ping-pong and we waved our paddles and screamed at the camera. It was great! Then they asked us to tell the camera where we were from (city and state) and so we did. Soon after they asked us all to yell, "Welcome to Salt Lake City!" as a group. We got through the line pretty quickly once they opened up the doors at 7:00am. We were out by 8:00am. It was so much fun and we met some interesting people. I can't wait for Tuesday!!