Sunday, January 11, 2009

"...for they shall rest from all their labors here, and shall continue their works."

Baloo Dabling Dec. 21st, 2008
(My puppy, Baloo. He never did grow up!)


Death is so final. And on this earth when someone dies, that's it.  Most of us are blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel, to know that there is so much more to come after this life. Something glorious and beyond description. But for the time being here on this earth, it is final. And "the time being" can be so long! My heart is aching. Full of anger and pain. Sadness and sorrow. I don't even know how to describe it. It simply is what it is. 
My dog Baloo (of 11 years) died December 21st, 2008. It hurts. I sometimes, will find bones that have been burried underneath shoes, in my closet or behind blankets in the family room. Just hearing his name sets me back. Some people find it silly.. he was just a dog. Not a person. But to me, he was. He was my friend, and my "loyal companion." My alarm clock when I was late for work. My shoulder to cry on when I was hurting. And he always seemed to know when that was. My dog was a miracle and a blessing in my life. Heavenly Father knew that Baloo was exactly what I needed in times of heartache. He placed him in my life to have those moments of joy that he so often gave to me. Like running into the glass door. Or sliding down the stairs, or biffing it out of no where!  Jumping up and down with excitement to see me. He was difficult and trouble at times. And as Jeannie would call him, "The Great Houdini!" Yes, Baloo was an escapologist! Ha ha! Sorry again, Jeannie! The moments where he would run out the door when I had a guy over, and we would have to go find him, giving me the opportunity to spend time with a cute guy. (Yeah, it happened a few times.) Baloo brought laughter into my life and of many others. I'm grateful for his life. For the friend he was. For giving more to MY life and making it better. I loved him and miss him with all of my heart. My heart is empty at times still. But, I know he's living a better life. Free from the pain that I saw him experiencing in the last couple days of his life.

         Peter Jensen Lutz Nov. 11th, 2007

Life is sometimes more than difficult. I learn that everyday. I learn that people experience things differently and sometimes/a lot of times more difficult than I ever could. My ex-boyfriend's, little brother Peter, was struggling for a long time. After his long battle with depression, he took his life on November 11th, 2007. A life changing experience for not only his family, but for me as well. I went through a lot with them. But, not for one second would I EVER take those moments back. Life is rough. But God has a plan for us. He throws us trials to teach us lessons. And if we don't learn from them the first time, He'll throw it at us again, and again and again... until we understand just what it is that He wants us to understand. I've personally learned that first hand in my life. And when I realize that it's come full circle, I usually feel discouraged, thinking, "I thought I learned what it was that I needed to learn!" or "Oh crap!! I assumed that since I pushed it away, it wouldn't come back!" But, why would Heavenly Father give it to us, just to have us push it away? He doesn't. He gives it to us to learn what is needed, sometimes in order to get through something that will happen later in your life that might be similar to the experience that was so difficult for you before. He is giving us the tools to work with for later on. A close friend of mine once wrote me,  "... the fact that I KNOW there is nothing I can do to win, and still make it out ok, proves the Lord's hand in everything." I don't know about you guys, but I am thankful for the tools that He has given me. As difficult as it may be... I am grateful.
           Sharilee Anne Warner Nov. 11th, 2008

My aunt Shari passed away November 11th, 2008 after fighting pancreatic cancer for more than a year and a half. It was the 1 year anniversary of Peter's death. I found it ironic. My heart sank in despair, already struggling with the anniversary of Peter's death. How could this be placed on the same day? I fell apart. Not knowing how to get through it. I luckily had therapy, literally, right when I found out. I asked my mom to join me in the session as we talked about the life of Shari and Peter. Part of what was discussed, was how God has a hand in everyone's life and how it's presented. I didn't understand at first. I was lost. But as stated before, they are learning tools, to help us get through the trials in our lives. I'm reminded of a couple scriptures that I heard in church today, D&C 121:7-- And it says, "My son, (except I switch it for daughter in my case) peace be unto thy soul; thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." And then, D&C 84:88 which reads, "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit, shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." How powerful are those scriptures? When I heard those today, my heart was full. And the fact that I was able to apply those scriptures in my life, was a blessing beyond belief. That when I need the Lord the most, He reaches out and offers His hand. My affliction will be but a small moment. And His Spirit will be in my heart, and His angels will circle me and BEAR ME UP! Oh, the peace I feel when I read and ponder this! My heart is so heavy at times, and to have the angels bear that up for me, even if just for a little while, is so much more than I could ever ask for. I love the Lord and His gospel. The blessings that I have in my life are innumerable. 
Even though death in this life is final. It is not for eternity. Our loved ones that have passed on are now in places that are beautiful and marvelous, in which we can only hope to understand.... but the truth is, we probably never will until the time comes when the Lord calls upon us to enter into the kingdom of heaven. So, until that day, those sweet and tender mercies of the Lord can help us get through. If we allow them to come and if we acknowledge them in our lives. My bishop always says, "Prayer is the key to the day, and the lock at night." So, get down on your knees and pray.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

American Idol Starts Tuesday, January 13th @ 7:00pm!!!

American Idol starts airing on Tuesday, January 13th, 2009 at 7:00pm!!!!! I am so excited! From what I understand, they will be airing the Salt Lake Auditions that day.  So, keep an eye out for me and Leah!!! If you need to... look again at the pics we took so you know what to look for! haha! I'm so excited it's finally starting again! PEACE!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Turning coal into *diamonds*

Have you ever felt like you've completely and totally messed your life up? Like, to the point where everything you do is almost not worth doing anymore, because you feel like no matter what's to come you feel like you'll screw that up too? I more often than not, feel alone in these feelings. I mean, I'll look at everyone else and realize they're doing most of it right cause they're at least smiling, and/or having a good time, (or seemingly so.) And now, you're having a conversation with someone that you know and love, and think, "how can you not SEE that I've ruined my life up until this very moment that we speak?" Or have they, and are just hiding it?  Afraid to say something that will upset you, or maybe they don't even have the words to say anything at all. I KNOW there are things in my life that I should be doing and yet, I can't seem to accomplish them. My motivation is unbelievable! I have the motivation to do about anything, but not the will power. Will power is a strong, strong trait. And I have like.. none of it. I admire so much the people that use it. Like my mom. She is a big inspiration to me. She can find something that she wants to do and then actually do it without fail!  And, it's hard for her at times, but she can get through it like a champ! I sometimes wish I could switch lives with people for a couple of days. Just to know... how they think, how they feel, what kind of exciting things they have going on in there lives, the struggles. The people they love and care about, the accomplishments they've made and then, compare it with mine. Maybe THEN I'll become stronger. To know what it's like to be someone else. Would I be more grateful? Ungrateful? Mean? Kind? Funny? Soooo NOT funny? Understanding? Not understanding? There are a million differents ways to look at your life when you compare it to others. But even if I could really change lives for a day, would I? Would you? Take away the things that are important to you, like my niece and nephews. My family. My pet? All in exchange for HOPEFULLY something better. But, what if it isn't? Strange people, hard job, dealing with drugs, homeless maybe? All of these thoughts seem so easy at first, "I want to be ANYWHERE but here!!!" So many people say those words. What if God really granted you that wish? Would you rather be somewhere, anywhere but where you are? In reality, I have been there. But thinking now, and with a clear head and actual, REAL thinking and observing, I could NEVER say that I would. Yeah, life is difficult and sometimes you may wish you were somewhere else, anywere else... someone else! But, just stop to think about it. RIGHT NOW. How do you see your life now? Good right? Great? Wonderful? Amazing even? I'm counting my blessings and praying with all of my heart that, I will NEVER get to that place again of wishing for someone elses' life. I am grateful. I have a WONDERFUL family that loves and cares about me and vice-versa. I have a job that I may not LOVE, but I AM employed and with the economy how it is... well, enough said about that. I have so many things that I can list off, but I've rambled enough as it is. I just wanted to express the gratitude for the life I have. And as sucky as it may be at times. I have it good. No... AMAZING!!