Baloo Dabling Dec. 21st, 2008
(My puppy, Baloo. He never did grow up!)
Death is so final. And on this earth when someone dies, that's it. Most of us are blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel, to know that there is so much more to come after this life. Something glorious and beyond description. But for the time being here on this earth, it is final. And "the time being" can be so long! My heart is aching. Full of anger and pain. Sadness and sorrow. I don't even know how to describe it. It simply is what it is.
My dog Baloo (of 11 years) died December 21st, 2008. It hurts. I sometimes, will find bones that have been burried underneath shoes, in my closet or behind blankets in the family room. Just hearing his name sets me back. Some people find it silly.. he was just a dog. Not a person. But to me, he was. He was my friend, and my "loyal companion." My alarm clock when I was late for work. My shoulder to cry on when I was hurting. And he always seemed to know when that was. My dog was a miracle and a blessing in my life. Heavenly Father knew that Baloo was exactly what I needed in times of heartache. He placed him in my life to have those moments of joy that he so often gave to me. Like running into the glass door. Or sliding down the stairs, or biffing it out of no where! Jumping up and down with excitement to see me. He was difficult and trouble at times. And as Jeannie would call him, "The Great Houdini!" Yes, Baloo was an escapologist! Ha ha! Sorry again, Jeannie! The moments where he would run out the door when I had a guy over, and we would have to go find him, giving me the opportunity to spend time with a cute guy. (Yeah, it happened a few times.) Baloo brought laughter into my life and of many others. I'm grateful for his life. For the friend he was. For giving more to MY life and making it better. I loved him and miss him with all of my heart. My heart is empty at times still. But, I know he's living a better life. Free from the pain that I saw him experiencing in the last couple days of his life.
Peter Jensen Lutz Nov. 11th, 2007
Life is sometimes more than difficult. I learn that everyday. I learn that people experience things differently and sometimes/a lot of times more difficult than I ever could. My ex-boyfriend's, little brother Peter, was struggling for a long time. After his long battle with depression, he took his life on November 11th, 2007. A life changing experience for not only his family, but for me as well. I went through a lot with them. But, not for one second would I EVER take those moments back. Life is rough. But God has a plan for us. He throws us trials to teach us lessons. And if we don't learn from them the first time, He'll throw it at us again, and again and again... until we understand just what it is that He wants us to understand. I've personally learned that first hand in my life. And when I realize that it's come full circle, I usually feel discouraged, thinking, "I thought I learned what it was that I needed to learn!" or "Oh crap!! I assumed that since I pushed it away, it wouldn't come back!" But, why would Heavenly Father give it to us, just to have us push it away? He doesn't. He gives it to us to learn what is needed, sometimes in order to get through something that will happen later in your life that might be similar to the experience that was so difficult for you before. He is giving us the tools to work with for later on. A close friend of mine once wrote me, "... the fact that I KNOW there is nothing I can do to win, and still make it out ok, proves the Lord's hand in everything." I don't know about you guys, but I am thankful for the tools that He has given me. As difficult as it may be... I am grateful.
Sharilee Anne Warner Nov. 11th, 2008
My aunt Shari passed away November 11th, 2008 after fighting pancreatic cancer for more than a year and a half. It was the 1 year anniversary of Peter's death. I found it ironic. My heart sank in despair, already struggling with the anniversary of Peter's death. How could this be placed on the same day? I fell apart. Not knowing how to get through it. I luckily had therapy, literally, right when I found out. I asked my mom to join me in the session as we talked about the life of Shari and Peter. Part of what was discussed, was how God has a hand in everyone's life and how it's presented. I didn't understand at first. I was lost. But as stated before, they are learning tools, to help us get through the trials in our lives. I'm reminded of a couple scriptures that I heard in church today, D&C 121:7-- And it says, "My son, (except I switch it for daughter in my case) peace be unto thy soul; thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." And then, D&C 84:88 which reads, "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit, shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." How powerful are those scriptures? When I heard those today, my heart was full. And the fact that I was able to apply those scriptures in my life, was a blessing beyond belief. That when I need the Lord the most, He reaches out and offers His hand. My affliction will be but a small moment. And His Spirit will be in my heart, and His angels will circle me and BEAR ME UP! Oh, the peace I feel when I read and ponder this! My heart is so heavy at times, and to have the angels bear that up for me, even if just for a little while, is so much more than I could ever ask for. I love the Lord and His gospel. The blessings that I have in my life are innumerable.
Even though death in this life is final. It is not for eternity. Our loved ones that have passed on are now in places that are beautiful and marvelous, in which we can only hope to understand.... but the truth is, we probably never will until the time comes when the Lord calls upon us to enter into the kingdom of heaven. So, until that day, those sweet and tender mercies of the Lord can help us get through. If we allow them to come and if we acknowledge them in our lives. My bishop always says, "Prayer is the key to the day, and the lock at night." So, get down on your knees and pray.
